1. I heard the rumour
almost eight years ago that 5 girls were expecting babies for Tuface Idibia,
the reigning Nigerian musical legend. I was quite shamefaced, as a budding
feminist that was all about the dignity of the 21st century woman
but I guess I was alone.
Eight years down the
line, the trending phrase is ‘baby-mama’! What in the name of God is baby mama?
Of course it started in Hollywood, with the sad exes of famous people getting
public attention for all the wrong reasons (eg, Black Chyna, Amber Rose etc)
and Nigerians got on the trend train thanks to Linda Ikeji blog and her cohorts
(I respect Linda a lot, she is an icon). The concept of baby-mamaism was gold
plated and pedestalised and every other day another Nigerian baby mama was
unveiled.
2. My favourite
Nigerian artist Flavour, the Igbo dude with the bod, had a baby-mama, a real
Princess from a royal family, as fair as the morning sun, and all the rave was
about her till she had the baby. Then came the next baby-mama, a beauty queen
at the peak of her life/career. Baby-mama number 2 has just been delivered of a
most beautiful daughter, no ring, no vows, rather back and forth banters about
who the main chick is amidst rumours of a new romance brewing.
3. Neyo, my favourite
R/b artist, on whose voice I had a huge crush (till I saw a picture of him
without his hat) was the rave of many ladies in my time. He had a baby-mama who
had two lovely children for him and they both decided she have a tubal ligation
(tying or blocking of the fallopian tubes to prevent future pregnancy). I mean,
that was deep, till he broke up with her and had another baby-mama on the way, who
he is planning to walk down the aisle (after she puts to bed of course). In a
recent development, he rained down a tirade of flaming words on everyone who thought or
felt that it was unfair to the first baby mama and claimed that all that was
important was his happiness. This was on twitter, for the whole world to see!
4. Let’s not mention
more of these, the list is inexhaustible…
Who is a baby mama?
The main/side chick that decides to have a baby for a guy whom she is dating
even though he doesn’t see the need to put a ring on it, most times in hopes
that she will be his main/only chick.
For a feminist, this
whole definition and terminology is both disgusting and condescending. In this
generation of the ‘power woman’ it is a major disgrace.
I know a number of
women who are single mothers. Strong, dignified and to be applauded for their
decision to be moms against all odds and the concept of baby-mamaism puts their efforts and sacrifice to
shame.
It’s really fresh
when ladies claim that marriage is overrated and the in thing is to have a
child to love and hold but it becomes embarrassing to feminists like me when they
start fighting and dragging with the side/main chick of the baby daddy. It
punches holes on all the independent woman claims.
If the guy can go
unscathed to his next relationship or marriage, how come, the lady, who will be
the one to suffer the hormonal changes for two years or more, who has to battle
with weight gain and body image, who gets to be at the butt of judgmental
fingers pointing at her and labeling her doesn’t give a thought to this?
I had a lot of crazy
lady friends back in the day and I know for sure that the craziest and
naughtiest of young girls back in the
day are the most settled as wives today, this really gets me thinking, when did
this concept of side chicking,
baby-mamaing become a norm? Its un-African
and it just makes my job as a feminist difficult unnecessarily.
This is the dating
formula of self-respect. Date, court, wed, bed, become a parent. Alternately,
quietly have your baby and raise him/her like royalty. Definitely not bed,
baby-mama, bitch at the next baby mama etc, its painful to watch.
I expect a lot of
backlash, most of the lashers however would be married mothers. I’ll tell you
this in advance, if baby-maming was
such a cool idea, why are you respectfully married? Why aren’t you chasing the
guy and his present girlfriend about like Amber Rose and Black Chyna were,
making a mockery of yourself?
credits; ojonugwa sapphire abu
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