Lulu always says that
some people have no business being parents, I feel she is referring to me, I used
to detest her for such statements but now I kinda agree with her.
They say you cannot
give what you don’t have. Now I believe this can especially be said for
parenting as it has to do with morals, discipline and values. In my case it has
to do with parental love.
I was 6 months old
when my mother left me with my father I was told. I grew up with my father and
his numerous lady friends. He never remarried after my mother left and he never
had any more children (that I know of). Many people feel that the saying ‘a
mother’s love’ is overrated. I feel that way too. I feel it is just a cliché.
I am an adult today,
a responsible one. Capable of all types of feelings but the hand that life has
dealt me over and again has never been good.
I met my husband at
the counter. I am a Banker, a very good one. I am in Operations, I’m targeting
the Head of Operations Office. Even though I am not a marketer, I have some of
the biggest accounts in the Bank. I need the bragging rights and I believe that
to be indispensable, you have to be indispensable. I set achievable goals for
myself with timelines and tick them off one by one.
I met Ali at the
counter. I smell the real money bags from miles away and attend to them. I
turned on all my Banker charm and got his trust. He came into my life at the
peak of crisis in the Banking Sector. Everyone was given targets, mine was
almost as high as the Marketing Manager’s. I used to hear my colleagues snicker
behind my back.
Ali gave me the
account I needed and introduced me to some of his friends who gave me accounts
too. I was back on top at the office. A good number of my colleagues were
sacked after that procedure, but I was promoted. Not Head of Operations, but close.
Ali took a liking to
me and decided to spoil me silly. I did not exactly grow up with a lot of
affection. I had to learn how to scheme and twist to get my father’s attention.
I had to share his every waking moment with a new love interest. Ali however
was a breath of fresh air.
We had our whirlwind
courtship and got married. It was the talk of town. I was a proud wife with a
blossoming career. Life was bliss. We started having issues when Ali found out I
was taking contraceptives. He wanted a big family. He was from a big family. We
never talked about it before, I was hurt. We had our first fight.
I decided to blink
first and try for children. I took in the next month. Then Ali started picking
holes in my lifestyle. The hours I put into work, the amount of food I was or
was not eating. Everything became a battle. Ali hit me in my first trimester.
He came back to apologize, bought me a car and was all sweetness and charm. I knew he was
really sorry but my guard went up. I decided to throw myself to my first love,
my career. It was the only constant I had, my insurance blanket.
I noticed that life
with me was becoming a struggle for Ali, I felt exactly the same way. I however
had to put on a happy face. Ali became violently inclined, in one of our
fights, he smashed the 64” television. It was worth almost my salary. He took
to alcohol. i did not complain.
The keys to the vault
were with me and I had to wait for all Operations to end before I closed from
work, I would return to see Ali seething with anger. I realized that he was
worried for his child. All he cared about was his child.
On the 10th
of this month, I came home late from work, what I needed was for my husband to
massage my back and probably give me dinner. I met a raging Ali. I quietly
walked to the room as I was truly tired. Ali came in and started beating me up.
I went into labour.
He did not realize I was
in labour till the water broke. Then he rushed me to the hospital with bruises
on my face and a swollen lip. All I wanted was to be rid of his spawn. It was a
long and painful labour, I gave birth at noon on the 11th.
His daughter looks
like him, long limbs and beautiful fair skin. I am yet to put her to breast so
that I do not get attached to her. She seems to love the formula the nanny
feeds her. I am ready to leave Ali and his daughter the way my mum left my dad and I. I look at the
pretty baby that came out of my body and I feel nothing.
I wish I had more to
give…
Credits: Ojonugwa Sapphire Abu
Photo credits: essence.com
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